Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
