you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize