In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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