we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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