I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
