You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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