Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
