i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
