Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
