dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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