Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He has the fingertips of a God
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