I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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