Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
