what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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