Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
