dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
