I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
