Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
