I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
