watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
