Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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