I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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