i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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