I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I could make wine with my vomit
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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