i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Even my vagina gasped.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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