I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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