At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who died my cat blue again?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
