normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
