I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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