eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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