all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize