I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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