I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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