she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
