upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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