You work out of a Hotel?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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