im drinking this country out of the recession.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
