my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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