I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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