There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
