Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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