im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
