Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
