This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
