I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
