Your dad touched me again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
