well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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