you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I cut my penus on the lid.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
