you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
