He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
