im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
